I Don't Feel Like Myself Anymore
IDENTITY & SELF
When everything changes at once, who are you underneath?
The roles that once defined you are shifting all at once. Maybe your last child left for college the same month your mother was diagnosed with dementia. Or divorce papers arrived during the week menopause symptoms hit hard enough to make you question everything. Perhaps the career you built over decades suddenly feels meaningless, or your body has changed so dramatically you avoid mirrors.
When multiple major transitions collide, your sense of self can feel completely disrupted. This isn't personal failure—it's what happens when life reorganizes around you faster than your identity can keep up.
If This Sounds Like You...
-
You feel lost after major life changes (empty nest, divorce, job loss, health changes)
-
You've spent so long being everything to everyone that you're not sure what YOU actually want anymore
-
You look in the mirror and think "I don't recognize this person"
-
You're successful by external measures but feel hollow or disconnected inside
-
You find yourself asking "What's the point?" or "Is this all there is?"
-
Menopause/perimenopause is making you question everything about who you are
-
People keep telling you to "be grateful" but you feel like you're grieving your old life
-
Career dissatisfaction hits right when other major changes demand your attention
-
You're questioning choices you made decades ago and wondering "What if?"
What's Really Happening
Identity disruption during major life transitions isn't pathological—it's developmental. When external structures change rapidly (kids leave, marriages end, bodies age, parents decline, careers shift), your sense of self needs time to reorganize around these new realities.
This process feels disorienting because:
Our culture doesn't prepare women for the complexity of multiple simultaneous transitions
Physical or emotional changes affect intimacy and communication patterns in ways no one wants to discuss
Your nervous system can get overwhelmed trying to integrate so much change while maintaining daily functioning
Identity questions that might have been simmering for years suddenly demand attention when triggered by major life events
You're not broken. You're in between versions of yourself.
How Menopause Impacts Relationships
Hormonal changes don't just affect your body—they can trigger profound identity questions. When your mood, energy, sleep, and even cognitive function feel different, it's natural to wonder "Who am I now?" especially when this is happening alongside other major life changes.
Physical changes can make you feel like a stranger in your own body. Emotional changes can make your reactions feel foreign. Cognitive changes can make you question your competence. We work with both the psychological processing of these changes AND the identity integration they require.
How We Work Together
Parts Work (IFS-informed)
We'll identify which parts of you have been silent or suppressed during years of caregiving and people-pleasing and help them find their voice again. Often, identity confusion happens because core parts of yourself went into hiding.
Transition Processing
Rather than rushing to "find yourself," we'll honor the grief of who you were while exploring who you're becoming. Identity transitions involve genuine loss, even when you're excited about change.
Values Clarification
Reconnect with what actually matters to you now, separate from what you thought you "should" want or what others expect. Your values may have evolved as you've grown.
Identity Integration
Find the threads of self that remain constant through change—your core values, talents, and ways of being that don't depend on external roles or others' expectations.
Future Self Visioning
Using guided visualization and regression work, we'll explore and plan for who you're becoming, not just process who you've been.
What Women Often Notice
-
A clearer sense of your own voice and preferences, separate from others' expectations
-
Less anxiety about "what people will think" when you make choices that feel right to you
-
More energy for things that actually matter to you, less tolerance for what doesn't
-
Ability to make decisions from your center rather than from fear, guilt, or obligation
-
A felt sense of "I know who I am" that doesn't collapse when circumstances change
-
Relief from feeling like you're "going crazy" during hormonal changes
-
Permission to grieve your old identity while being curious about your emerging self
-
Confidence in your choices even when others don't understand them
Common Questions
Q: Am I being selfish by focusing on myself at this stage of life?
A: Knowing yourself clearly is actually a gift to your relationships. When you're grounded in your own identity, you can be more genuinely present with others instead of resentful or depleted from constantly accommodating.
Q: What if I discover I want something completely different than my current life?
A: We move slowly and thoughtfully. Understanding what you want doesn't mean you have to blow up your life—but it does mean you get to make conscious choices about what stays and what needs to change.
Q: Is it normal to feel like I'm mourning my old self?
A: Completely normal. Identity transitions involve genuine grief for who you were, even when you're excited about who you're becoming. We honor both the loss and the possibility.
Q: How does menopause factor into identity work?
A: Hormonal changes can amplify identity questions that might have been simmering anyway. We address both the psychological impact of physical changes AND the deeper identity evolution that often emerges during this life stage.